I’m not one to post daily blogs (I prefer weekly), but this was too smile-provoking not to share:
Yesterday, as I was leading my JK daughter out of the gated Kindergarten area after school, a little boy stuck his hand through the chain-link fence and said:
“Hey, make sure you call me at 5 o’clock, ok?”
I almost fell over. WHAT??? MY Baby was being asked to call a BOY in KINDERGARTEN??? Good thing he’s protected on the other side of the fence. I scowled at him, but he didn’t notice. He was gazing intently at MY Baby.
He continued: “What’s your number again?” (Brassy little thing, right IN FRONT of me!)
Baby Girl: 123 Our Street (She repeated our address!! How CUTE!! Thank GOD she doesn’t know what he means by “what’s your number”!!!)
Him (with sad face): That’s a LONG WAY. I live in Townsville. (Townsville = same town as we live in. Good – he thinks we live too far away for him to get near her!!!)
As we walked across the Kiss n’ Ride drive to the parking lot, I could hear his little voice shouting good-bye to her the whole way.
When we got in the car, I took a deep, deep breath (maybe a couple) and jumped in.
Me: So what’s up with the boy?
Captain Sassypants: He loves me and wants to marry me. (Of COURSE he does!! Oh sweet Jesus, it’s worse than I thought)
Me: Aren’t you a bit young to be thinking about marriage?
Captain Sassypants: I TOLD him that when he tried to KISS ME today in the gym! (I’m going to rip that little kid apart. He tried to KISS her for God’s sake! Are you kidding me???? Please, please, please tell me she didn’t kiss him back, please tell me she didn’t LET him!!!)
Me: And what did you do when he tried to kiss you? (Good. Maintained level voice without expression of disgust. Don’t let her know how grossed out you are or she will go RUNNING into his arms.)
Captain Sassypants: I moved my face away so he couldn’t. (Oh THANK YOU Jesus!) We were holding hands and Erica told him to kiss me because I was smiling like a girl who was gonna about to get married. (HOLDING HANDS??? HOLDING HANDS???? WTF???? That Erica. I never did like that kid. It’s all HER idea. Yeah, ALL girls smile when they’re gonna about to get married. Because they don’t know what’s in store for them.)
Me: Did you tell him that you’re too young for kissing and getting married?
Captain Sassypants: Yes, mommy. I told him I’m not allowed to kiss boys until I’m 25 and I can’t get married until I’m 30 and have finished university and am a doctor. (I SWEAR she really said this. I counsel her often.)
Me: Well, maybe not 25, but 4 years old is WAAAAAYYYYY too young for kissing and getting married. That is something grown-ups do.
Captain Sassypants: I know, mommy. I don’t want to marry a boy I don’t even know. (Well THAT’S reassuring!)
Me: (making sure all bases were covered) You are still too young to kiss or marry boys you DO know. It’s ok to hold hands if you are good friends with this boy, but kissing and getting married is adult stuff and you guys will have lots of time for that when you are grown ups. I’m going to have to have a word with this boy and tell him MY Baby isn’t available for kissing and marriage until she’s much older! (This last part was thrown in for effect, I had no intention of saying anything to the poor kid.)
Captain Sassypants: No mommy. I’m going to tell the TEACHER tomorrow so he will get in TROUBLE! (My Baby Girl takes perverse pleasure in getting other people in trouble sometimes.)
Me: (Worrying the kid might actually GET in trouble at this point, depending on what Baby Girl said to the teacher) Well, I can’t blame the guy for falling in love with you! Who wouldn’t? You’re smart and funny and gorgeous and kind. You’re a total catch. When you get older, I’m sure LOTS of boys will want to marry you, so you have to be very careful to choose one that is right for you and that loves you the way YOU want to be loved, with kindness and respect. This boy hasn’t done anything WRONG, so you probably don’t need to tell the teacher at this point, unless he keeps trying to kiss you or he is bothering you while you are at school.
Captain Sassypants: He’s in LOVE with me. (My Baby NEVER has a shortness of self-esteem, thank goodness!)
Me: Yes my darling. I can’t blame him for that. If you want to be FRIENDS with him, that is ok, but you have to tell him friends don’t kiss or get married when they are 4 years old.
Throughout the rest of the evening, and even this morning when my parents rang and she had fresh ears to tell the story to, Baby Girl would randomly say “That boy tried to KISS ME!” or “That boy wants to MARRY me!” or repeat the whole story. It really was kinda cute – my Baby’s first encounter with male attention. I could go on and on here about my hopes that she doesn’t start to like it TOO much, or that she doesn’t get TOO much of it and think that it’s all she needs in life, blah, blah, blah, but I’m going to sit back and chill for a change. I said all that needed to be said to her yesterday (I hope).
Besides, she told my parents on the phone this morning that she wasn’t going to kiss boys until she was 45 and not get married until she was 60, so it’s all good…