You didn’t REALLY think I’d let Mother’s Day go by without a post about MY maternal parental unit, did you?
What can I say? She’s pretty damned awesome (and pretty pretty, too – God, I hope I have her aging-well genes). She’ll probably give me shit for saying “damned” and “shit” because she doesn’t have much of a potty mouth like her daughter, but that’s ok.
My mum and I have had our differences over the years, and even last week. Don’t even talk about the rock ‘em, sock ‘em take downs we’ve had in the shopping malls when I was a teenager.
But I gotta tell ya – she’s probably my best friend.
Holy shit – I NEVER thought I’d say that. Because sometimes she just really does drive me bonkers. But that’s ok, because after 3 years of being a mom myself – I’ve come to realize that that’s just what a mom is supposed to do. You were right mom – I DO understand now that I’M a mom, just like you said I would all those times.
Now, lest you think this is some sort of backhanded-compliment-kinda tribute to her, I’m gonna run it down for you why my mom is freakin’ DA BOMB (that means totally awesome, mom):
- She gave birth to me, and at almost 10 lbs (nevermind my brother, who was 11.5 lbs) that’s high on my list of awesomeness
- She dealt with me being diagnosed with a lifelong medical condition and managed my health for me when I was a kid
- She didn’t collapse and curl up and die of sadness and depression when I had to have a vital organ ripped out of me because of cancer, although she did cry quite a bit when I woke up one morning and all of my hair was still on my pillow from the chemo I was getting. That’s ok, mom – crying was totally expected and I’ve accepted that you’re a bit of a cryer, anyway.
- She didn’t kill that nurse that slapped me after a 2nd surgery as a child (yes, you read right – it was 1975) in front of her, when she was 10 months pregnant (yes, you read right – she was 1 month overdue with my brother when he was born. Did I mention it was 1975?) only because I was not easily offering my arm for my 5,395th blood test.
- She let me go to summer camp and sleepovers and to France on exchange when I was 16, even though she probably didn’t sleep the entire time with worry about me and my health.
- She didn’t collapse and curl up and die of sadness from depression even when I was trying to. She didn’t always understand why, but man, she sure did show up, and that counts.
- She never kicked me out of the house as a teenager, even when I was a total yard sale of just about every nightmare you’d never want your teenager to be. Somehow she just knew that I’d turn out ok, and she was right.
- She let me live at home until I was 28 years old and let me come back home for a while when my 1st marriage went down the toilet.
- She was there with me when I found out that the only pregnancy of my life (after 5 years of fertility treatments) I conceived with my ex-husband (you know sex is always the last thing to go) had ended in miscarriage. She heard me tell her to F@#$ OFF that day, because I hated the world and even her at that moment for her fertility, and she forgave me and still loves me. (Sorry, mom.)
- She makes the best homemade bread and buns by HAND (no machine) and even though that is probably why I have thighs that provide more cushin’ for the pushin’ than I’d like, I still can’t resist that damned bread.
- She likes sex jokes, although now that I’ve put that out there on my blog, she’ll probably be pissed at me for embarrassing her like that. It’s ok mom – I always thought it was kinda cool that you were open about sex.
- She’s nice to people that I think are total doofusses. (Sorry if I spelled that wrong.)
- She’s nice to everybody.
- She has been known to try and clean my house when she is here babysitting.
- She brings dinner with her to my house sometimes.
- She calls me everyfreakinday, even though sometimes I really don’t wanna chat and I’m short with her on the phone.
- She takes Captain Sassypants, age 5, every other week for a sleepover. (If I were rating these points by importance and value, this might actually be Numero Uno.)
- She has accepted my stepson as her grandson and treats him as such, without expecting him to treat her like a grandma.
- She only likes movies with happy endings.
- She has WAY more faith in God and her religion than I could ever have, but I’m thinkin that perhaps HER faith has covered it so far for both of us. (Sorry God – no offense intended, I still think you’re cool, just not as much as my mom does.)
- She has more patience with Baby Girl than I could ever have (most likely because she doesn’t have to deal with Baby Girl day in and day out) and that motivates me to at least TRY to be as patient as I can.
- She tells me every day that she loves me. Even though I haven’t said it back to her in years (barring last week when she was going to the hospital for a major surgery).
I love you mom. Thank you for all of this, and the other shit I forgot or didn’t mention. Sorry for the cussing.
Now you have it all in writing, ok?
Happy Mother’s Day and stop crying – it might irritate your incision.