We have an interesting phenomenon happening in our house. It’s this strange occurrence of two people having a conversation about the same TOPIC, yet having 2 totally different conversations. Ever been there?
So, I’ve decided to start a series of occasional blogs called “She Said He Said”. Note the lack of a comma. Here is the first installment:
Background: Two nights ago, I cleaned 6 potatoes to chop and roast for dinner (I know we only have 4 people in our family. I have some Irish background, gimme a break.) Huzbo took over the chopping of potatoes while I attended to something else in the dinner prep process. While chopping, he decided 5 potatoes were sufficient. Sixth potato disappeared from my mind 2 seconds after I handed him the knife…
Until yesterday. Seeing our little drain rack beside the sink was full (of breakfast dishes that aren’t dishwasher safe) I started emptying it while my BFF Tassimo prepared my coffee-to-go for the pickup of Baby Girl from school. I pulled out the blender, plastic glasses used for morning smoothies, a plastic colander and then underneath these items I found this:
Yes. That is a potato. Sitting in the dishes drain rack. UNDER the dishes.
*Hand smacking forehead repeatedly*
When Huzbo got home, he was in a hurry to get showered because his mother was coming to babysit so we could have a date night. So, I followed him into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub to “chat” while he showered (Note: Huzbo does NOT like this habit of mine. He likes to shower in peace, for some reason. Don’t recall the last time I had a shower in peace. He also can’t hear me with the water pouring over his head.)
She said: So, ummm, guess what I found in the dish drain rack today?
He said: I dunno. A knife? (Ok, seriously? He obviously knows what I’m getting at and is deliberately trying to avoid the subject…SIGH)
She said: Nope. A potato. (Left it at that. Left it dangling for him to pick up and explain.)
He said: Really? How did that get there? (I am not shitting you. He REALLY said that.)
She said: Honey. C’mon. We BOTH know how it got there. I think the REAL question is WHY was it there? (Good work. No accusations or finger-pointing. Staying neutral, giving him an opportunity to explain his own ridiculousness.)
He said: Well YOU put it there. How would I know why? (I don’t think I need to even say what I was thinking at this point.)
She said: Nope. Not me. You took over the potato-chopping and I left all the potatoes beside the cutting board on the counter for you to chop. I didn’t touch them after that. (SOOOO hard to keep the irritation out of my voice…)
He said: Oh yeah. I put it in the drain rack because it was still wet from being washed and I didn’t want to put it back in the bag because it would make all the other potatoes rotten. (THIS makes total sense to me. But we’re still not done, unfortunately…)
She said: That makes sense. But I just need to understand why you would put a bunch of clean breakfast dishes on TOP of the potato this morning, when obviously after 12 hours, the potato would have been dried? Why didn’t you just put the potato back in the bag, or in the pantry at least?
He said: Ummm….Uh……Hmmmm….. I GUESS I DIDN’T SEE IT THERE. (I’m assuming my thoughts on this last comment are not required.)
Background: I busted my ass all day at work and was in a hurry to get showered before my mom arrived to babysit our kids so we could go on a “date” when really I’d rather just flake on the couch with a beer and the clicker. She FOLLOWED me into the bathroom and sat there YAPPING at me about a stupid potato while I was in the shower! Gimme a break! Can’t a hard-working dude have at least 5 minutes of peace alone in the shower?
She said: I found a potato in the drain rack today. Why did you put it there? What’s wrong with you? (With an angry face and voice.)
He said: Pardon? I couldn’t hear you because I was rinsing my hair under the water.
She said: HONEY! (NOT in a honey voice) WHY DID YOU LEAVE A POTATO UNDER THE CLEAN DISHES IN THE DRAIN RACK??? What a DUMB thing to do!!!!
He said: I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I thought it was the right thing to do because a wet potato in the bag with the other potatoes would make all of them rotten. I was in a big hurry this morning after making the kids breakfast AND their lunches, so I just put the dishes on top of the potato because I knew it was clean and wouldn’t harm the dishes in any way. I didn’t realize it would bother you, so I won’t do it anymore, ok? Love you! Could you pass me my towel, please?
Somebody tell me they too experience “She Said He Said” exchanges like this…I can’t bear to think it’s just me…