Not-So-Hot Buns

Often people will ask me if I “did” my daughter’s hair.  I laugh.  They think it’s weird that I’m laughing, but they have NO idea how ridiculously incompetent I am in the hair-doing department.  With my OWN hair, nevermind a 5 year old black girl’s hair.

I take Baby Girl to a salon every 2 weeks to have her hair done, because I know my limitations and I find workarounds that compensate for them.  Usually.

For my own hair, I am extremely low maintenance.  I generally go with the high, messy bun-ish look, or the low, messy bun-ish look.  Sometimes I get fancy and do a messy ponytail or even a SIDE messy ponytail.  I rarely wear my shoulder-length hair down because I just can’t stand hair in my face or ears or mouth or eyes. It might be important to note at this point that all the messy-ness comes from the fact that I have naturally wavy/curly hair that is very fine and therefore very layered to make it look like there is more of it than there actually is.

I was recently waiting in line at Walmart and perusing the crap goods that they try to market to you in that location.  I generally don’t fall for that stuff, but something caught my eye that day:

hot buns full box

Yep.  A bun-maker.  But not a MESSY bun-maker!  A sleek, smooth, GLAMOROUS bun-maker!  A HOT BUNS bun-maker!  Like ALL the celebrities wear!  I could now carry my bun addiction into more formal settings!

SOLD!  Kim Kardashian – eat your heart out!

I paid my $14.98 for the “hot buns” Simple Styling Solution because I wanted  hot buns.  Not my messy, shaggy, do-it-yourself buns.  I wanted the buns that the girl on the box had.  I wanted to take my buns to a Whole. New. Level.

I read the box, noting the “Simple” and the “Roll, snap and wrap” part of the description instructions.

Hot buns Simple

It SAYS Simple, so it MUST be simple, right?

Hot Buns instructions

Roll, Snap & Wrap! Hearing Special Agent Oso singing “3 Special Steps” in my mind…

I was sweating with anticipation!  Simple was MY kinda styling technique!  I could DO this!

This is what the “Hot Buns” tool looked like before I put it into action:

Kinda creepy lookin' huh?

Kinda creepy lookin’ huh?

You put this thingy at the end of a ponytail (high or low, depending on your desired bun placement) and then roll the thingy up until it’s covered by your hair and near your scalp.  Then you make a donut with the hair-covered thingy and there are these little snaps that you press together to make it stay in the donut formation.  You wrap the little elastic band around the bun to keep it steady and PRESTO!  Beautiful, sleek, stylish bun (a bit of gel or styling pomade is optional, for flyaways, according to the enclosed leaflet).

Well, I think you all know where I’m heading with this story.

After 45 minutes in the mirror and tired, aching arms, here is what the last of my “HOT BUNS” looked like:

Why yes! I AM wear pyjama pants in this photo!

Why yes! I AM wear pyjama pants in this photo taken in my bathroom mirror!

I’ve accepted that cold buns are really where it’s at…

(My apologies to the manufacturer of Hot Buns.  I am 100% positive that the failure to create a Hot Bun in my hair had NOTHING to do with your product.)

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